Why to I identify with the Beautiful Disaster brand? Well, not so much because I see myself as a huge badass but having survived a lifetime of abuse and bullying and pain I think you have to be a badass to keep getting back up and fighting. I don't know how to quit. I fall off, get knocked down, I get back up and keep going. From abuse to bullying to fired from jobs due to not fitting into the company click. Life has not been easy.


I'm 41. I dated men who ended up being abusive because I didn't know I deserved better. I just wanted to be loved. I grew up being told I was fat, my life was pointless, called lard-ass and fat-ass, told I was ugly and no man would ever love a big girl (the list goes on). I was told to marry the 1st man to ask me. So I did.


It's been a rough road, but, the big goober is my goober. We have our moments and he isn't on the journey I'm on. We kind of live different lives together. If that makes sense. But before my husband, the way I was spoken to lead me to men that weren't the best of people. I've been raped 3 times. After all that I buried myself in food cuz after all why would food hurt me? Well, it did. I sky rocketed to 523lbs. Long story short. I decided enough was enough. I took my life back.


My mother had a heart attack on my birthday in 2009. Then a friend died in 2009 a few months later. Mom is fine. On my birthday the following year my mom had to get a heart stint put in. 10 days later I started my health and wellness journey working with a Marine to get the weight off. I'm currently, working with another coach after being quit on by 2 previous coaches. I kept going. I am fighting to get a job in a gym as my current job as a caregiver wares me down so badly and is definitely not my life goal job and well long story as to why this job is just a job.


Any way, So far I've lost 207lbs. Working on my last 100lbs with the help of my coach and a small handful of amazing fighters believing in me. Its a fight to get into a gym job because i don't fit the health fitness profile as i still have 100lbs to loose. The fitness industry is broken in that it doesn't see a person's story to motivate people only the fact that if you look skinny and pretty then you can get in. Otherwise, in daily life I'm solo on this journey. I'm aiming for strong woman competitions even though right now women seem to have to compete with the men because there isn't a lot of competitions for strong woman competitions. I have huge goals and face many obstacles to get to them. Also, I work with the developmentally disabled 5+ days a week, train clients to get healthy as well as train myself and am working to upgrade my trainer certification to NASM level certs. And try to get sleep when I can.

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September 04, 2018