Well, it started when my daddy died 35 years ago.  

It seemed when my daddy passed my strength needed to be shared with my siblings, especially my younger brother.  My strength came from my mom, but this week I had to be strong for her too.  Did I forget to say I was daddy's girl? It was killing me inside to keep control.  
Skipping forward, I always thought I had my daddy's strength mentally, but I have since learned I'm equally mom and my dad.   
We all make choices and I decided when my daddy passed I had to be family protector.  WOW. WOW. I FAILED.  
2007 I found out my favorite uncle did unspeakable things to my brother and his own son.  My brother was told by his psychologist to share his story with some he trusted.  Now he choose me. This was 25 years later.  It changed me
It changed my thinking, my heart, my soul turned dark and I built walls.  No one crossed these walls.  
2011 I met my husband Dan Stanley Jr.  What a man he so was. Love at first site.  2012 we married.  Our love was infectious everyone came to us but what they didn't know was Dan was the man that Jesus brought to tear down my walls.  2016 I got diagnosed with Fybromyalgia, abnormal thyroid a cluster of tumers, graves disease, osteoporosis arthritis, rheumatoid arthritis, and that I needed a 3rd back surgery.  It was a lot to take in
Dan would say it's okay you are tough and you got this.  Yeah until 2019.  When I had five back procedures, and two surgeries on my back, and an implant of spine stimulater.  The last surgery was the implant in my spine and this took place on November 6, 2019.  
On November 18th, 2019 on my way to remove staples from my back? Dan called me from Colorado to say he was pulling his semi over and going to sleep.  He stayed in his semi from Monday till Thursday.  Thursday, he decided to drive home sick back to Texas 12 hour drive.
Thanksgiving was the next week so on the 27th kids and grandkids showed up for Thanksgiving.  Grandpa was sick and barely came out of bedroom.  
Friday morning on the 29th I took him to hospital because yes he was a stubborn man.   Men don't get sick.  Dr. informed us he had a massive heart attack around the 18th. Crazy how test can show how long ago and it's still bad.  On Saturday morning, two surgeons took my husband who was alert, talking, and laughing with my son and I to have angiography done.  He immediately was called code blue.  He died soon as they took him back to surgery.  My life was changed from the minute that code was called.  
I kept saying it should have been me. It felt like I died that day too. I was numb. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. I just wanted to wake up from a nightmare.  I kept praying I was dreaming.  
I said to my pastor if God had to take he could leave me his kind and gentle heart.  I had always wanted to laugh as hard as he did smile when I didn't want too. He was amazing and then he was gone.  
2020 was gonna be bad. Couldn't go anywhere. Didn't want to anyway, but here I am still fighting to find my happy.   
I am 60 years old and I AM A BEAUTIFUL DISASTER. 
Health wise I'm fighting every Dr and their horrible meds..
I'm a hippie who absolutely believes in natural healing and just watching your lives I feel a sisterhood where I belong.  
I fit in the BD family where people see my smile, but they don't know my story.  I love all my BD clothing but my favorite are the yoga pants, zip hoodie and I wear my beanie even when it was 80 degrees
I get a lot of compliments thank you.


Tammy said:

Wow girl! You are spunky and a fighter! Love your attitude!

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April 05, 2023