Amber's Story: My Crown Never Fell

I live a life I wish on nobody, and yet you would not know all the struggles I have dealt with. As hard and miserable as my life has been, my crown never fell.

The brand shows women empowering each other as ourselves. I only have one female friend and no support from any others. This brand makes me feel closer to others.

Life has been difficult from day one. I was born to an unhappy couple. There are big age gaps between me and the rest of my siblings. There is a 15-year gap between me and the third brother. There are five of us, the oldest being 57 now. My father died when I was 1-1/2 years old. My favorite person in the world, my brother who was 20 years old, killed himself at home with me and our mom present. I was five when that happened. My mother was not a nice person; she wanted me to be a girly girl, but I am not that. She got cancer and died when I was six years old. I moved in with my sister and her two daughters. My sister had to fight for custody of me against my aunt. I lived with my sister and never fit in. I was singled out for everything. My grades were not great, and I needed to get a job. I tried so hard, but no one would hire a teen. I had to visit my aunt several times a year. I loved my aunt, but I hated it. When I was 12, another brother killed himself. By the time I reached 18, both parents, two brothers, and all my grandparents and some aunts had passed away. Every day I struggled to figure out who I was and why I was left alone. It seemed like everyone I loved died. I was sexually assaulted several times by different people. I got my first serious boyfriend, and everything was good at the beginning, then he started to change. He started to verbally abuse me. Time and time again, I forgave him. After he cheated on me, and I finally saw how he treated me, I was done for good. I moved back to my hometown (I lived in 11 houses growing up in 4 different towns). I met my husband there. My sister-in-law ended up with cancer and just passed away 3 months ago. She was my best friend. She was my family. I struggled everyday living without her. Every day I fight to stay here. Every day I am trying to find who I am.

Once I moved back home and met my husband, everything started to get better for the most part. Losing my sister-in-law has taken a toll on me. But I am fighting through it. I made the decision not to try for a child anymore, and I am just going to love my life and enjoy what I can. Once I made that choice, I am starting to feel whole. I am starting to see how I want to dress myself and how I want to be. I am starting to see the real me.

My life right now is still a struggle, but every day that I wake up and feel more like myself is a win. I am ready to finally be myself to my fullest, and I don't care who doesn't like it.

My favorite hoodie is my Hating Me zip!