My name is Amber. I'm a 37 year old mother of four. When I was 18 my best friend committed suicide. He called me the day he died, and I didn't answer the phone. That still haunts me today. One month later my boyfriend was found dead on a bridge off a country road one mile from my house. They say it was suicide but I still question it. That's when my down hill spiral started  I started drinking heavily all day everyday, I started cutting myself everyday. 
One day I went to the same bridge that my boyfriend was found on and sat on the edge contemplating suicide. If my brother would not have found me and pulled me off that bridge I probably wouldn't be here. That is when I became a beautiful disaster, but at that time I saw nothing beautiful about myself or life in general.
Shortly after that day I found out I was pregnant. From that day everything changed for me. The pain was still there but I had somebody else to protect. My son literally saved my life. It's amazing how much such a little person can change your life so much.
The Beautiful Disaster brand lets me know I'm not alone, that I don't suffer by myself. I have a whole family out there standing behind me and making me strong. My Beautiful Disaster family.
My life now is still a struggle on my bad days, I am on antidepressants and anxiety meds for the rest of my life, and that's ok.  I now remember how it feels to be happy. I look at the four lives I've brought into this world and realize that life is so much bigger than the pain. That there is happiness waiting for you even in your darkest moments, you just have to look for the light.
We are all worthy, and beautiful, and brave, and yes, we are disasters and that's ok. That's what makes us perfectly imperfect. The Beautiful Disaster brand makes me feel proud, it makes me embrace my flaws when I used to try so hard  to hide them. Everything that has happened to me in life has helped shape who I am today, and I can finally say, after so long, that I love who I am, I love myself.

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July 30, 2020