It’s hard to know where to start with this story, so I’ll go back as far as I can. 

I got married young and I was married for 16 years… that marriage ended in 2010, however, I am still good friends with my ex-husband. That marriage ended for various reasons. None of which I would say were horrific or scarring, it was just an average marriage that unfortunately ended. Probably things we could have done to save it, but I don’t dwell on that anymore. 
I immediately dove into another relationship with a high school sweetheart. It was like a dream come true seeing him again after all those years. 
We hit it off instantly and had so much in common. He had a much rougher look than my ex-husband, but I liked that. He had somewhat of a shady past, as he confided in me he had a history of drug use, but had been clean for 10 years. I had never entertained that lifestyle and thanked him for the honesty, but it was not a dealbreaker as he was making the right decisions now. He owned his own home, ran his own business and was doing phenomenal in my opinion. 
It wasn’t long before all that changed. I didn’t see the signs at first, but others did. I would have to write a chapter book to explain it all, but he relapsed. His drug of choice was crystal meth, and initially, I set out to save him. I didn’t realize at the time, that five years would go by, and I would be practically be drug to hell before the realization came that it wasn’t possible. 
I could detail my life during those five years, but like I said, that would take so much time. There were countless nights where he didn’t come home. Two, three, sometimes even four days would go by and there was always an excuse of how he was trying to come up for us. He began selling drugs out of the home and there were people in and out of my home all hours of the night.  I was losing control of everything that I had built. I still never lowered myself to join him though. He lost jobs, one Christmas he stole the Christmas presents I had purchased for my kids and sold them for drug money, and the story just goes on and on with the ugliest details you could ever imagine. 
Right before I left him there was an incident where he got so high that he accused me of some horrible things and threw me up against the wall and choked me, for a moment I thought it was all over, then he let go. The police came out that night, but it was days before they found him. While I spoke with them, they looked at me and said “you know most often when we come out to things like this both parties are involved in the drug use,  but we can tell that you aren’t. Do yourself a favor and save yourself… you can’t save him”. It wasn’t even so much the fact that I was choked that turned the light on in my head, it was the words the police spoke to me and I just came to the realization that they were right. The next day, believe it or not, my ex-husband and his friends showed up helped me move out,  help me arrange a place,  and I started to rebuild my life. 
I probably should’ve mentioned in the beginning that throughout all of this,  I have always been an avid hiker out here in Arizona, not flat terrain hiking but elevation hiking for sport. In fact, I’m pretty well-known around here on the hiking trails and the mountain ranges, for several years I was unbeatable. So, I decided to step up my game again with hiking as I had let some of that go throughout all the turmoil. I brought together a few hikers groups, as I had done in the past and started to lead some teams again. A few months into that, the most feared injury of an athlete both professional an amateur was dealt to me….I fell on a hike and completely tore my ACL. I was absolutely devastated. Hiking was the one thing that cleared my mind and brought me so much peace. Not only that we were in the midst of a pandemic where there really wasn’t much else to do and the injury had stolen one of the last activities that was still allowed. 
At that point I really only had two choices: I could rehabilitate the leg without surgery but probably never hike again, not the type of hiking I do anyway, or I could have surgery,  have the ACL replaced and hopefully get back on the trails sooner rather than later. 
I had to pick up the pieces as I had to be back on that mountain. In fact, I was determined that if I could recover from this I would lead my hiking team to a winning race and I would be better than I had ever been before. And that’s exactly what happened. 
I had surgery on June 3 of 2020, four weeks after my injury, and by mid August I was back on the hiking trails… my surgeon and physical therapist were floored at my phenomenal healing ability. 
My love for Beautiful Disaster started several years back…. while scrolling through Facebook I just saw a shirt that I liked, at the time the statement didn’t have much meaning and I really didn’t know what Beautiful Disaster stood for other than I liked the graphics on the clothing and it was always my go to company. But, as my own life story unfolded, I begin to think of myself as that… my life had been a disaster for a short period of time,  but I was still beautiful,  and the life I wanted to live was going to be beautiful. 
I train and lead lots of beginning hikers to winning races now , and I am well-known around these hiking trails as the leader who always wears the Beautiful Disaster Clothing,  I never hike without it…either a tank top,  a hat or shorts but I don’t hit those trails without that logo,  as it has so much meaning to me now, it gives me confidence and pride and I love it. 
Three years have passed since leaving that horrible relationship and one year has passed since the injury and life is beautiful… my kids are now grown,  my oldest daughter is getting married and talking about children, and I look forward to the next chapter in my life (although I’m not fond of the idea of aging LOL)
So there you have it …I am certifiably a Beautiful Disaster and I’m glad I found your tribe! 

Leave a comment

Please note: comments must be approved before they are published.

January 20, 2022